“Okay na po kami sa isa.”

This is how we usually respond when we’re asked, “When are you having another one?” or when a family member or friend says, “Oh, 8 years old na, boy naman!” I know these comments come from a place of care, and they mean no harm. But honestly, I always wonder—what’s wrong with having an only child?

I can’t say for sure that we’re “one and done.” After all, it’s always God’s will not ours. If we’re blessed with another child, we’d be very excited and we’ll love the baby just the same. But if that doesn’t happen, we’re just as happy and content with our little Monica.

In the Philippines, raising an only child comes with a lot of myths and misconceptions. Here are the realities that come with our choice.

This is one of the most common myths we hear: that an only child grows up lonely because they don’t have siblings to play with at home. Many people often think that this also makes it challenging for them to socialize with others. However, this is far from the reality that we experience raising Monica. She’s always been a happy, well-adjusted child who has no trouble playing with others or making friends. Just because she doesn’t have a sibling at home doesn’t mean she can’t build relationships outside.

Growing up without siblings has its own advantages, too. Sure, she spends more time playing alone at home, but that has made her more creative. She’s learned to entertain herself, push through boredom, and come up with new ways to make the most of her time.

People often think that an only child is always pampered and shielded – making them spoiled and self-centered. Quite obvious that Monica is the apple of our eyes, the center of our world, but that doesn’t mean we give in to her every whim. In fact, because she’s our only child, we’re even more mindful and careful with how we raise her. We provide everything she needs, and we give her what she wants—when it feels necessary.

In return, Monica knows her limits; does not throw tantrums when she does not get what she wants. And though she knows she’s a star in our family, she does not act as if she’s the only one who shines above all. Well, so far, so good. 🙂

I think it’s really unfair to assume that only children are overly dependent on their parents or other people. If anything, they often grow up to be resilient and independent, simply because they have to rely on themselves. With no siblings to argue with, share with, or lean on, they learn to handle things solo—from playtime to school projects to chores.

With Monica, we see to it that we teach her independence early on (may it be on doing her school work, playing, or even managing chores), especially since we don’t have any household help and don’t plan to get any.

I won’t deny that this happens more often than we think. This could easily be our reality, and I have no reason to believe otherwise. My daughter is only eight, but even now, we’re doing what we can to make sure she won’t feel that weight when we’re older.

I know the warmth that comes from a big family; I grew up in one, and there’s nothing like being surrounded by loved ones—whether it’s day-to-day or on special occasions. So when people say, “Kawawa naman, walang kapatid, walang kasama pagtanda”, I understand they mean really well. Their concern is valid.

 As a single-child household, I can only speak from experience, and I could debunk all the myths about only children. What I can say, though, is that it all depends on how you raise your child, what you expose them to, and the kind of relationship you build. Like anything else, it’s all about perspective. For us, choosing to raise an only child comes down to quality over quantity—that’s the mindset we’re embracing as we move forward with our choice.