I get that it’s good to listen to motherhood lore and age-old advice from our elders. Essentially, we can supercharge our child’s development through their ideas and practices, but are we intentionally doing them or just doing them for the sake of approval? If so, it’s high time to reassess these “honest bits of wisdom.”
Being a first-time mom is a true feat for every woman, especially that birthing a baby is a truly enduring experience. But being self-oriented, sometimes, is the best way to brave parenting. Here are five things they said to never do as a first time mom that I did anyway!
I used to shrug off things back then—at least when I was single. I loved spontaneity and not having to stitch a neat schedule. When I switched to being a mom, however, my bad habits started to wane slowly. Calm and chill is just not me! In fact, I’m jealous of new moms who can gracefully cover their tasks without worrying too much, but mindfully, I try to put everything in place to bring out the best of outcomes.
I stress over the smallest, most trivial things, and make a worrier out of myself. “Did I do this right? “Am I truly meant for mothering a child?” “What more can I do so daughter #1 or son #1 grows up a great, happy, and healthy kid?” Of course, I’d keep tabs on everything. I take everything seriously because a single mistake may lead to a lifetime of regret or repercussions, so whether it’s our sleeping arrangement, bottle-fed or breastfed approach, or the best diaper brand, I definitely think things through.
Working after childbirth is another subject of conflict among mom communities. Some prefer to parent their newborn on their own, while others seek babysitting services.
In my case, however, I had to juggle chores and make a living, so while a lot of people pitched in their ideas of taking a backseat for the time being, I persevered to work on a part-time basis. I tried to earn to afford the essentials and pamper myself from time to time, provide my baby her basic supplies, and of course, save up for the future of my family.
If spoiling the baby is equivalent to holding her excessively, then that is no spoiling. A newborn’s instinct screams intimacy and babies naturally become clingy and want to cuddle with her mother because biologically, it’s a must. Skin-to-skin contact is instrumental to the child’s development and the demand for heat regulation is high among newborns. Apparently, no amount of newborn-carrying can justify this “not-spoiling-the-baby” tradition.
Most seasoned moms encourage me to extract our baby from our shared bed and migrate her to the crib, but my child is a real rebel. She refused to sleep in the cot, and co-sleeping was the only possible option for us.
My doctor made sure, too, that throughout her stint as an OB, she has never once heard of an unfortunate happening brought about by co-sleeping or bed-sharing. I took her advice and to this day, I sleep with our daughter who is now 3. To date, none of her body parts or bones suffered from co-sleeping.
Sure, we happen to hear a lot of this in our lives—to sleep while the baby is sleeping. While it may be true at times, being a mother doesn’t depend on a steady calendar. Schedules change time and again, and tasks can be put off at some point. A baby’s catnap may mean three straight hours of sleep for a tired mama, or a me-time immersion while the tot is enjoying some shut-eye. In any case, moms cannot simply sleep according to her baby’s timeline, as she is bound to do other duties outside parenting as well. If it pleases her to take a siesta, then it is best to rest for a bit. If she likes to do the laundry while the baby’s in bed, let her finish it. If she misses her favorite leisure activities and wants to attend to herself at the moment, make sure to give her space. When I was a new mom, I needed more time to myself, that’s why “sleeping while the baby sleeps” doesn’t apply when dates and me-time were the more-preferred practices.