Back when I was still a full-time classroom teacher, I was firm about not having my child attend the same school where I teach. I know this sounds idealistic, especially since it’s practical for many parent-teachers to have their children close by. I just couldn’t ignore the possibility that my child would unfairly benefit from being “Anak ni Ms. Ria.” I would never want my child to grow up in my shadow.

In today’s language, I didn’t want to raise a nepo baby, a term for a child who gains an advantage or head start simply because of their parents’ status, power, or resources. We’ve called out public figures and unfollowed influencers over nepotism, especially in light of the recent corruption issues in the Philippines. And while we may not hold the same position or power, have we ever stopped to consider whether we might be raising nepo babies ourselves? Here’s how it happens.

We play the last name card.

Our name gives us identity, and many of us work hard to build a good legacy. But when we use that name to intimidate, influence, or shield our children from consequences, we risk raising kids who feel untouchable, and confident that their last name will always relieve them from accountability. Last names can be used to cut lines or gain favors where others would have to earn through patience and effort.

Allowing our kids to use their last names to cut corners isn’t legacy. It’s teaching them that their surnames have the power to break the rules.

We save them from failures.

As parents, don’t we always say, “If only I can take your miseries away from you, I would”? This may reflect love to some extent, but this can be extremely harmful to our children if we take all their burdens on our shoulders. We risk raising kids without a backbone, whose decisions depend solely on us. In turn, they won’t learn to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions and will most likely resort to finger pointing when things go haywire.

Saving our kids from failure isn’t unconditional love. It’s raising them to live a life of privilege.

We raise them only within our own bubble.

Sure, we may have worked hard for the environment and status we’re in. It’s only natural for our kids to become familiar with it. The danger here is coming to the point of enrolling them in the same university we graduated from or have them take the same career path we took, whether or not it’s what they want, just so we can seal their victory for them.

It’s one thing to usher them in the path we treaded, it’s another thing to go as far as handing them their future on a silver platter. For example, with a guaranteed position in a family business, they may lose the drive to push themselves or excel in their own merit.

In doing so, we risk raising kids with clipped wings or kids who never got the chance to explore themselves, their passions, or their interests. In molding them into who we are, or who we want them to be, they may end up losing sight of who they truly are. And one day, that may blow up in their faces.

Raising our kids only in our own bubble isn’t guidance. It’s raising a clone, without a mind or path of their own.

It’s such a beautiful thing to see our child grow into who they’re meant to be, if we allow them to. Raising nepo babies isn’t just about providing them with lavish designer items or taking them to every country in the world. It’s instilling that they’ll be safe, secured, and successful with minimal effort on their part. It’s raising sheltered kids who won’t lift a finger to weather the storm. It’s providing so much that they don’t feel the need to do anything anymore.

Now, Moms and Dads: Are we raising nepo babies without realizing it?