Having your teens experience being in a relationship may be as exciting for you as it is for them. After all, seeing them receive material gifts, or involving you in buying one for their significant other can be a new way to bond.
But you know that a heartbreak may also be just around the corner, and bracing yourself for one is no joke. How do you help your child get through it? Psychologist and Counselor, and mom of two Kristine shares her experience in going through her daughter’s first heartbreak, and a few valuable tips to help you navigate through yours.
Mommy Kristine recalls when her eldest daughter had her first puppy love when she was in third year high school. Their home was a witness of a young love story as her daughter and her boyfriend were allowed to do their assignments and projects there, as well as play board games joyfully together.
“I vividly remember when she made a collage of all her pictures as a baby, a child, and a pre-teen. Then she gave it as a gift to him. They’re my precious collection but I allowed her. They both seemed happy and responsible students,” Mommy Kristine shares.
This routine was broken when one day, the young gentleman stopped coming and her daughter “stopped being joyful doing little things.”
Being a parent was extra challenging for Mommy Kristine at that point because she is a counselor and a psychologist by profession, and her daughter disliked the feeling of being treated like a client. So, she thought it best to focus on being a mother to her heartbroken daughter. “I just spent more time around her in the house, in the grocery and bookstores, which she and her brother love.”
Parents feel their children’s pain or hurt twice as much. Most of the time, parents think that helping teens find ways to immediately cope is the way, but sometimes giving them room to sit in with their feelings is better.
“I allowed time and gave them space. I provided more food for snacks, lunch and dinner. And she remained performing well academically in school.”
She also shared that her daughter didn’t enter another romantic relationship until she graduated in college.
Because of the space her daughter was allowed, Mommy Kristine noticed that her daughter’s “early experience of brokenness gave her resilience, discipline and persistence. Not to ignore the fact that she experienced being left behind by his father when she was in 1st year college when my ex-husband abandoned us.”
Teens don’t usually confess their feelings to their parents, most especially those feelings connected with a breakup. Usually, these are bottled up which worsens the experience. Hence, they yearn to have someone who is willing to hear them out without judgment.
Mommy Kristine asserts that it is necessary to convey to them that “It’s okay to feel bad, to be angry, to hate, even to cry and grieve. For some time, not forever. People move on, stronger, and more purposely in God’s grace. Life gets better. And children should be assured that they have a family to come back to, in all circumstances.”
At the end of the day, parents should not make their children feel rejected especially in this very vulnerable time.
Here are other tips that Mommy Kristine shares as a mom, psychologist, and counselor:
- There is no one solid rule or guide for any parent or child. The extent of your involvement in your child’s breakup depends on your relationship.
- Be around your children in all stages of their growing up. This is so you can model your life and faith journeys.
- Nothing guarantees good parenting to develop good children. With all the challenges around, you just do your best and pray for them too.
- When in doubt, remember that parents need to simply be parents. Love unconditionally, support and not judge. Continue to be present. Give time and reassure your children that all heartaches, and all bad times shall pass.