With the rise of social media and influencer content and with more accessible research on family life and early childhood development, it’s quite hard to parent in this day and age without getting toxic comments or critiques about your approach. From your own parents and extended family to even strangers who just happen to witness a moment of your parenting, someone will usually have something to say about the way you’re raising your kid.

I’m talking about parent-shaming; the nasty phenomenon of discouraging parents through condescending comments, remarks that unnecessarily mischaracterize the parent, and just generally passing judgment on moms and dads without context or an authentic desire to be supportive. This is, of course, to be differentiated from healthy and well-communicated feedback that comes from a place of love.

At best, the remarks are passive-aggressive, masquerading as “concern”. But others come with an explicit side of vitriol and have no other goal other than to discourage the parent. I find this very sad, as I believe a great way to “raise” healthy, supportive parents is to also be surrounded by healthy, supportive parents.

While I can’t control what the people around me may say, I can certainly control my response. And so this year, I’ll be doing these six things more consistently in the face of parent-shaming. If you find yourself in the same boat, read on and see if these will help!

It doesn’t mean I have to agree with them, but it helps to have a sense of curiosity about why people say the things they say. Instead of instantly reacting to criticism, I’ll let myself wonder where the perspective is coming from.

This may mean literally taking a pause before responding or maybe even asking the person more probing questions about why they think or feel a certain way. But in seeking to understand, I am able to create an emotional boundary between myself and the other person; and hey, I may even find something valid in their reasoning. It also sets me up to respond more graciously, without being a pushover.

..because we all know that when emotions lead, logic and reasoning tend to fly out the window.

You’ve experienced this too, right? The moment someone questions your parenting, something inside you gets triggered. We’re all sensitive about this topic, because we care deeply and we’re invested in our kids. Whether we spiral into self-doubt or get fiercely defensive, being at the receiving end of parent-shaming has an uncanny way of making us feel incredibly inadequate.

That said, I believe it is healthy for parents to avoid heated and emotional conversations on parenting as much as possible, especially online. Look for productive discussions and community threads instead where you feel you’ll actually learn something or be supported. Go through the responses and comments and really think twice if joining in will serve you well.

Yes, we love our kids, and we love posting about them. But occasionally, some of us get in trouble when a post gets taken out of context. And that’s the sad reality of social media – people just really see a “curated” version of our lives, so they’ll comment only on what they’re privy to seeing.

I’m not saying we should stop posting about our core memories or experiences with our children. I do that a lot, to be honest! But my personal conviction is that it’s always good to add in an extra ounce of reflection before we actually post.

Truth be told, there have been times that I decided not to go ahead with a certain post because I could foresee how it could be misconstrued or misunderstood. For my personal peace, I’d found it best to keep that memory or reflection to myself and and to my trusted friends who know me as a parent and understand our family context.

I suppose the general principle is: figure out your exposure tolerance (how much you’re willing to share given the possible reactions you could get), and go from there.

Whenever I feel shaken up about something, I always go back to my values. It reminds me of why I do certain things a certain way.

I believe that this principle also holds true when you are parent-shamed. When our surefootedness slips after a snide remark about our parenting, let’s go back to the family values we’ve established because they drive our decisions. What is truly important to our family? Why do we do what we do? Why did we decide on this approach?

If our decisions align with our values, then we’re on the right track.

A wise mentor once told me this, when I was a young working professional navigating my way through the ups and downs of my career. And it has resonated with me since.

This principle couldn’t be any more relevant to me as a parent. Today, there is such an overflow of parenting information and resources. There’s always some new approach to learn, new research coming out, parenting workshops and communities, and whatnot. Even on social media, we’re bombarded with resources and opinions on how to parent “right.”

But if we’re going to let in and make room for literally every single voice, we’re going to be overwhelmed, paralyzed, discouraged, and insecure. We’ve got to learn to cut through the noise and identify whose voices are actually worth listening to.

While this means choosing people whose perspectives align with us, it can also mean being open to safe and trustworthy people who may have a different point of view that we can learn from – which will ultimately enrich our parenting.

You can’t do anything about the people who parent-shame, but you can certainly turn the tide by being the kind of support system other parents need. Drop encouraging notes and comments on their posts, be a willing listening ear to them, share in their wins and sit with them in their losses.

At the same time, for those you are close to, be willing to ask the hard questions and have the difficult conversations if you are genuinely concerned about them and their kids. Offer practical help and connect them to the right resources when they need them.

How are you planning to handle parent-shaming this 2025? Let us know in the comments below!