To the Mom Whose Little One Has Gone Ahead

While the rest of the world prepares for Mother’s Day, you dread its coming. With no one to cuddle in your arms and no one to raise for a future you dream of, you’re unsure whether you deserve to celebrate a day set for mothers.   

But you do deserve it, mom.

Whenever you’re in doubt, remember these five truths:

To the Mom Whose Little One Has Gone Ahead

It is not your fault.

You blame yourself for what happened, so you don’t believe you deserve to be called mom. You ask yourself every waking moment what you could have done differently. Mom, know that what happened was beyond your control.

Even science has your back: miscarriages and stillbirths are largely unpredictable and often misunderstood. Not all pregnancies result in healthy babies. Fifteen percent miscarry within the first trimester, while approximately 1 in 72 babies are born with with no signs of life at 28 weeks or later.

There may have been factors that increased the possibility of it happening, but mom, you did everything within your power to keep your baby safe.   

Your baby was real. 

It may be tempting to downplay what you went through or pretend that it was not a big deal. You may even have encountered people who try to console you by telling you that you didn’t actually lose anyone or anything.

The truth is, your baby existed. You are a mother who lost someone valuable. Your body recognizes the many physiological, psychological, and social changes that happened to you even if it may not be visible to other people. You are no longer the same person that you were before your pregnancy and you have been forever changed by your baby even if you don’t get to hold them in your arms.

Your baby knew nothing but your love.

Everyday, you long for your baby to be with you so you can make them experience all your love.

Be comforted: studies have found that your baby received comfort from your heartbeat and received chemical signals that communicated your psychological state to them. While you had to say goodbye before you can even say hello and I love you, you were able to communicate to your baby all your love whenever you thought of them.

Your baby was able to experience your love as a mom. Never doubt it. 

Your mourning is an act of love.

You grieve the loss of the child you did not get to meet or raise. You mourn the mother that you thought you would become. You lament over the milestones and adventures that you will not get to experience. The intensity and depth of these feelings reflect the love you have in your heart.

Your baby’s life may have been short, but you know that your love for them will endure as long as you live. Your mind, your body, and your heart bear testament to the struggles you went through and all the courage and strength you have had to gather to make it to where you are now.

This is not the end of your story. 

Loss takes a toll on even the most resilient person. Through your journey of joy and grief, all you can do is take one step at a time. 

Your life right now may not be what you expected it would be, but you will not be stuck here. You have a life with many surprises ahead of you. It will definitely have more joy, hope, and love that you could have ever imagined.

There is nothing wrong with moving forward. With every step you take, you carry your baby in your heart. To your baby, you will always be mom, mama, mommy.

The love that was ignited when you first found out about your baby continues to burn brightly to this day. This love is what makes you a mother.

Motherhood is a story of love that knows no end.


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