Having a child is a major life decision that often requires sacrificing and adjusting one’s lifestyle. For some couples, especially the younger generation, it “just ain’t it.” Lo and behold, the rise of the DINKs – Dual Income, No Kids!
Although it’s not a new phenomenon, the emergence of the trend posed debates all over the Internet and the Philippines is no exception, which is why I asked three millennial couples to share their reasons for choosing the #DINKLife.
There’s no denying that rearing a child is expensive, especially in this economy. In fact, it has become a privilege not many could afford and some couples would rather opt out for practical reasons.
Carlo, a 31-year-old Supply Chain Buyer, and Mae, a 28-year-old Social Media & Design Project Manager, met at the University of the Philippines Los Baños and have been together since 2015. As they found their footing in their respective careers after graduating, the couple decided to get married and move to Canada for a better quality of life.
For Carlo and Mae, being childfree allows them to have more disposable income and allocate savings for future investments and retirement.
The couple also believes that their choice is “valid and full of endless possibilities and spontaneity.”
For college sweethearts and career-oriented individuals like Rainier and Rya Lomboy, childbearing isn’t an option at this age.
Rya, a humanitarian worker, shares that she believes she hasn’t done a lot of things she wants to do in terms of career development and personal growth. She is currently 27 years old.
Rya and her husband Rainier, an agricultural worker, have been together for nine years. Rainier, also 27, knew how career-driven Rya was from the very beginning and understood that ultimately, it’s his wife who has more say in the decision since it’s the woman who would go through demanding changes and numerous adjustments from pregnancy and beyond.
Pursuing their career and celebrating their achievements together may be their priority for now but the millennial couple isn’t closing doors to parenthood, expressing that they are open to having a child once they are more stable mentally, emotionally, and financially.
For Patrick, 33, and Aira, 31, being childfree allows them to focus on their relationship more effectively as having no kids means having more time to enjoy each other’s company.
Patrick and Aira’s romantic journey began in 2014 while stationed in Kuala Lumpur. As flight attendants during that time, navigating a long-distance relationship became their norm due to conflicting schedules.
“This challenge intensified when Patrick relocated to Doha in 2016. Our resilience was put to the test when he proposed in 2019, just before the pandemic disrupted our lives. We barely saw each other for over a year due to the ensuing travel restrictions,” Aira shares.
Aira decided to go move back to the Philippines in 2021, and began a new chapter at a marketing agency. “Shortly thereafter, we made the mutual decision to tie the knot and put an end to our long-distance saga after enduring it for five years. In 2022, after a year of marriage, Patrick made a significant sacrifice by resigning from his job in Doha to return home, allowing us to finally unite and be together,” she continues.
Now, the thriving 30-something-couple spends most of their time enjoying new hobbies together as Patrick awaits to be deployed as a nurse and Aira manages the marketing agency she co-founded.
The process of becoming a parent may trigger unresolved feelings or trauma from the past, especially from one’s childhood. Taking steps to reflect and heal may be required to avoid passing down similar pain or struggles.
Aira bravely shares this story for the first time, in hopes that she is not alone:
She also added that, “’It Didn’t Start with You: How Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle’ by Mark Wolynn has been a valuable resource for me in understanding how family trauma can impact us and how to break the cycle. This book has been incredibly helpful in understanding why I don’t see myself having a child right now.”
Once a couple turns into parents, it’s inevitable to give up certain life choices – and some are just not ready for this.
It does take a lot of courage and humility for many couples to admit that their choice is not the same as those who prefer to have a child shortly after they get married.
Aira and Patrick also underscores doing what they love “without any hesitation or guilt about missing out on something else.”
Although a childfree lifestyle seems like it’s all rainbows and butterflies, the judgment and unsolicited opinions that come with it may be heavy to bear.
At the end of the day, the decision to have (or, in this case, not have a child) is a personal one. Instead of giving unsolicited opinions, everyone should learn to value and respect married couples’ choices as bringing a child into this world shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Should a child ever come into the picture one day, parents must carry the responsibility to ensure that the child is well-supported, nurtured, and loved.