There’s an internal switch that happens when a child enters the teenage years. All of a sudden, that affectionate little kid who used to shower you with endless hugs and kisses and wanted to be with you all the time no longer wants to be kissed by you at school drop-off and just wants to hang out with friends!
It’s easy to dismiss our teen’s seeming distaste for our plans, routines, and attempts to hug them as plain ol’ rebelliousness. But what if, beneath the surface, it’s really just a new way of asking you to fill their love tank?
Here’s how two mamas did it.
A teenager’s personality and preferences evolve as much as a toddler’s, but the difference is that they may choose to work through these without their parents – which can be frustrating. Mommy Apple shares her experience when her 17-year-old daughter Aiel entered her teenage years.
Finding it hard initially to understand where Aiel was coming from, this change in dynamic was difficult for Mommy Apple.
But once she resolved to make an effort to understand Aiel better, what used to be sources of frustration for her became places where gratitude grew.
Ultimately, it goes back to being seen and heard – something everyone desires at the core. When this need is met, parents create a safe space for their teens to grow and develop.
Mommy Jot, who went through the teenager season several times with her three sons Matthew, Michael, and Aaron (now 35, 33, and 25), shared that one of the most challenging moments during that period was when they would question their values and rules.
She added that it was both a mental and emotional process for all of them. According to her, as her teens were learning how to be independent and how to form critical convictions, she was trying to stay calm and firm while maintaining the boundary her teens would challenge.
Curfews, for instance, were one of those constantly-challenged rules.
It may not be an obvious principle, but love flourishes in healthy boundaries.
Parents may pick up clues from how their kids responded to them when they were little, but it’s important to observe teens and find out the ways they feel loved and valued. Mommy Apple learned that Aiel thrives on conversations and quality time.
Meanwhile, Mommy Jot learned that she didn’t share any similar love language with her sons.
Over the years, she learned (with great effort!) to speak each love language as fluently as possible.
Mommy Jot emphasized the value of communicating with her teens to clear the air.
It’s also important to have the right perspective on the physical, emotional, and mental changes teens are experiencing.
Finally, parents need to be gracious to their teens and to themselves.
