The Netflix miniseries Adolescence amplified one of parents’ major dilemmas in today’s world: deciphering whether or not and when they should give their children their own smart phone. 

As a psychologist, teacher, and mom, I often hear parents with children 8 years old and above give in too quickly because they don’t want their child to feel left out. While parents always want the best for children, giving them smartphones for sense of belonging might not always be the best step. 

Is 8 the ideal age for children to have their own smartphone? Is there a “perfect” age for this at all? Let’s talk about the questions we need to ask ourselves to help us answer these questions. 

While maturity may vary per person, as a parent, personally, you would be able to define if your child is able to handle all the pressure, responsibility and even stress and anxiousness when owning a smart phone. Being able to handle all these on top of their school assignments and tests, peer pressure, and family involvement is one way of looking at it.

Owning a smart phone may mean less time for the family, school and other activities. See if your child is able to handle all these and balance everything in their circle. Maturity also comes in so many ways – emotionally, psychologically, or socially. Have in mind that your child needs to be prepared for what’s in store for them once they get a hold of their own gadget.

Children nowadays crave for the feeling that they are seen and heard. Allow them to set their own rules while you set yours too. This gives them the sense of responsibility when owning a smart phone.

Collaborate and communicate what boundaries to set for both of you when using your own phones: Are phones allowed during meal times and on weekdays? How many hours are they allowed to use their smartphones on weekends? These rules also apply to you as their parent. Showing them that you abide by these helps them see a good example of proper gadget use.

One of the most crucial things to consider is your child’s safety. Everything is online, which made our lives so much easier, but it has also made every perpetrator’s life easier. Not everything online is true and is good for you or your child – let them know the negative or bad side too – without crossing the line that they would need to explore more on that to learn what it really is.

Having a connection with your child is important. Explain to them that the internet can be a really dangerous place. Let them know that their safety is also in their hands. It will help them understand further how they can filter out which things can be bad for them.

Let your child know that through it all, you will always be their safe space. Yes, giving them a smart phone may be considered as one of your major decisions as parents, but through it, you will also give them an avenue to grow and an opportunity to show that you trust them enough with their own gadget. 

Discuss with them how you see them and ask how they see themselves. It is important that they learn to value themselves first before seeking any validation from others – and this is where you come in. Being able to let them feel that they are so much more in your eyes will also continue on how they will see themselves on their social media accounts. Let them feel validated. 

Truly there are a lot of things up for discussion when it comes to your child and smartphones. Let these be some of the questions and thoughts to ponder on when considering getting one for your child. Allow them to feel that they are seen and heard, but let them know that they can turn to you whenever they need help. It may be a hard pill to swallow that our kids are living in the digital age, but we all need to adapt in some way.

Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!