It was after my graduation in the sixth grade that I first got hold of my very own mobile phone: the bulky but trendy Nokia 3210 that I used for playing “Snake” and sending text messages my prepaid load would allow. There’s nothing much I can do with it, but it was an expensive gift, something nice to have back in the day.

Nowadays, many own more than one smartphone and some kids younger than sixth grade already own one. Now here comes the plot twist. The smartphone has become a must-have that it’s become so difficult for us to put it down. Have we ever stopped to think about how much we’ve been tied to our smartphones? Have we reached the point that it has already made it to the status of an unwelcome family member?

If you think that’s too much of an analogy, then let’s all reflect on these:

We reach for it first thing in the morning, and we can do so even with our eyes closed. While we can always excuse ourselves to say time check, alarm clock, and snooze button, notice that there’s no excuse in doom scrolling right before we’ve physically and mentally prepared ourselves for the day.

The first few minutes of our day are precious. They set the tone for our morning, and can influence our disposition throughout the day. The energy we gained from a good night’s sleep should be spent on ourselves so we could take care of our loved ones, if not on our loved ones first so they don’t see us facing our phones first thing in the morning.

At night, when all dishes are washed and the kids are asleep, our smartphones gets our remaining energy. While this is forgivable for parents who occasionally prefer to delay bedtime to have some me-time, this isn’t justifiable anymore when the quality of both our sleep and family time for the next day is compromised.

How many seats physically surround our dining table, and how many people actually occupy them? The truth is that if at least one of our family members is on his phone during meal time, then we have an unwelcome plus one.

It’s been said time and again that mealtimes are sacred. For many families with both parents working and kids going to school during the day, breakfast and dinner are the only times they convene and catch up. To allow phones at the dining table is to build walls instead of breaking them to form authentic connections.

With this said, let’s also examine our habits as we eat. Do we allow our smartphones to take the “first bite” of the food lovingly prepared by our loved ones? Do we snap a photo and post right away, making it a priority over shared time during meals?

The faceless search engine results and Generative AI outputs have become our trusted source of information – from how to answer our kid’s homework, to where to eat, to what to do when parenting pressures are on. Remember when we approached our parents to help us with a difficult Math homework? We used to carve out time to figure out things together. For every difficulty, there was a family member we run to for help and support, and it’s not necessarily the case this time. We’ve even grown to believe half-truths and manufactured truths, throwing fact-checking out the window.

When something untoward happens during the day, our mind already begins to craft our social media post. Instead of processing the situation privately or with a family member, we run to our smartphones to vent and seek validation for our feelings and emotions.

When we’re feeling down and distressed, we turn to our favorite series or movie to soothe our soul, sometimes forgetting that reaching out to real people matters. At the end of the day, there’s no substitute for the warmth of a family member’s embrace or right words at the right time when the going gets tough.

Since nowadays, our smartphones can accomplish a lot more than playing games and sending messages, it’s difficult to delineate when we’re actually working and when we’re using it for leisure and entertainment. Our smartphones continue to eat the time we’re supposed to spend with our family. Our little ones are watching us smile, laugh, and react in front of our smartphones, silently craving for those emotions to be shared with them instead. When we let our family and kids see how and how much we use our smartphones, we subtly teach them what’s important in our lives.

How do we parents curb our smartphone use? Michelle Aquino-Tulalian, mom and former guidance counselor, shares her tips:

• Identify off-screen hours. Parents need their phone for work purposes, but they should also be able to set boundaries when it comes to its usage. Ideally, it should not be used during meal times and bed time as this becomes an opportunity when family members interact and engage in conversations the most.
• Find an alternative physical activity. Instead of using gadgets, parents may opt to choose outdoor activities as a way to bond together as a family. Not only does it lessen actual time spent on gadgets, it even strengthens connection and promotes overall well-being too.
• Explore a new hobby. Oftentimes, parents resort to cellphone use as an immediate way of destressing or having a breather from the demands of the role. Considering this purpose, opt to try offline activities like reading a book, journaling, or doing creative arts.