What Does Being a “Strong Mom” Mean in 2025?

We usually associate the idea of a “strong” mom with someone who is well-versed in self-sacrifice, yet still looks completely unfazed at the end of the day. We read about (or witness) these “supermoms” in envy, wishing we could do half the things on her list without having a meltdown before our day is done.

It seems we’ve put the concept of this “supermom” on a pedestal. We’ve convinced ourselves that unlike her, the overwhelm of mom life has weakened us – and that we could do so much better. But truth be told, there is no such thing as a “supermom”; only imperfect women who are mothering to the best of their abilities, which often reveals unseen or unappreciated ways strength shows up in the day-to-day of parenting.

This Women’s Month, allow me to challenge our perception of the “strong” mom by redefining what strength actually looks like in motherhood.

As a classic panganay, I have never been good at asking for help. I prefer to suffer in silence and bear the consequences rather than admit that I’m no longer able to handle something on my own. I inevitably carried this over into my motherhood journey.

When my son was just a week old, he was diagnosed with pneumonia, which led us back to a hospital confinement literally just days after we were discharged – at the height of Covid, no less, when hospital expenses were sky-high! Having just paid a hefty amount for his birth, we found ourselves helpless, as we were no longer financially prepared for this kind of emergency.

This was a humbling moment for both me and my husband as our family and friends rallied around us and gladly pitched in to help us out. If not for them, we don’t know how far we would have gotten with what we had left.

We constantly admire social media moms who create reels about how they’re constantly “on” and extremely attuned with their kids. We see how they consistently show up at school events, effortlessly socialize with other moms, create beautiful DIY activity kits at home, ace all their work meetings, keep the home relatively clean, and the like. And we think to ourselves: If I do even half of that, I’d be a train wreck by the end of the day.

Now I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to do all these things for our kids, because our presence is truly what they thrive on. But we need fuel if we want to make our presence in their lives meaningful. There’s not a lot we can do (with quality) if we’re consistently depleted.

This may look like just 5- or 10-minute pockets scattered throughout the day at first, especially when our kids are still little. But finding ways to pour into our cup (it doesn’t even have to be full!) every now and again – whether that’s squeezing in some extra minutes into your shower, going on a quick walk outside to get some fresh air, or meeting a friend for a quick coffee – will do wonders for our soul.

We moms thrive on productivity. Every item checked off our list merits a big cheer and a pat on our backs. We take pride in the number of tasks we’re able to accomplish in a day and look up to moms who seem to never skip a beat, even when life throws them a curveball.

During my son’s first year of life, I struggled with the fact that I couldn’t handle working. I felt “stuck” constantly having to breastfeed, couldn’t properly meet up with friends, and was dealing with crippling post-partum anxiety. This was all happening during the early years of the pandemic, which was a literal barrier in getting any form of outside support. I felt like such a weakling for not being able to do the things I was normally able to do, and for not living up to my own expectations.

Only in hindsight did I realize that I did have a lot on my plate then – the contents just looked different from what I’m used to. I was dealing with a lot internally, side-by-side with the physical limitations of mandatory isolation. It was a hard season, and it was okay to set aside the “checklist.”

It goes without saying that motherhood is not a solo project. Outside our partners and our families, we need our tribe – a community we feel safe with to be our real selves. But let’s be honest: finding this tribe is not always easy! While some of us are blessed to already be in a healthy circle of friends, many of us found ourselves isolated or “trapped” in our own bubble after becoming moms.

Community is something we have to be intentional about. The truth is that if we just passively allow ourselves to be swept away by the demands of motherhood, the idea of being able to spend time with actual adults away from your child seems close to impossible. It may also mean pushing past the tiredness, because being with a friend is nourishing to the soul.

Community is also something we have to be creative about. Most of us don’t have half a day to spend exclusively with friends without being summoned back by something “urgent.” Sometimes, we simply have to take the half-hour, and most of the time, the playdate. Sometimes, it means finding just five quality minutes in that playdate to check in with a mom friend. And sometimes, it may also even mean broadening our circle and staying in touch with even single friends. We need people from different seasons (not just our fellow moms!) to speak into our lives.

To be a strong mom, we feel that we either have to be the brutal realist who simply powers through the difficulties with grit, or the optimist who chooses to look at the beautiful and bright side of motherhood.