Mom Brain: It’s Not Just All in Your Head

After I gave birth to my son, I noticed a change in my brain’s processing capacity. I became more forgetful, I couldn’t recall a certain term when I would try to refer to it, and I started double-booking appointments.

Having prided myself on being on top of everything all the time, it was difficult to embrace this new me. I eventually learned that there was a term for this experience: mom brain.

Read to find learn more about this phenomenon, and how we moms can navigate it well!

The term ‘mom brain’ generally refers to the changes moms experience in their mental processing after giving birth. Common “symptoms” include moments of forgetfulness, minor emotional breakdowns, and absent-mindedness. Unfortunately, not even the most put-together mom is exempted from these experiences.

Some people are quick to dismiss mom brain as something that’s just a figment of a woman’s imagination. But actually, it has a scientific basis!

Fun fact: A mom’s brain literally changes after giving birth! A 2016 study discovered that brain scans of first-time mothers in particular showed reductions in gray matter in the brain – and this change lasted up to a couple of years.

Why is this important? Well, the areas that are most affected in the brain are those linked to social cognition, which are connected to how we process our emotions and make decisions. These areas are primarily located in the hippocampus, which is also responsible for memory control.

The scientific term for this is “synaptic pruning,” which is simply the brain evolving to maximize efficacy. In other words, a mom’s brain adapts to its new season, rewiring it to focus on what’s most critical in the early days of mothering: meeting the needs and wants of a baby or young tot!

Moms feel sad or embarrassed when talking about mom brain, but in truth, it’s a kind of superpower. Mom brain empowers mamas to identify the most minute details that relate to her child; from what kind of cry the baby is making to distinguishing whether a toddler needs simple comfort or a more specific intervention.

Even more, research shows that mom brain in the early years of parenting have a long-term benefit. Middle-aged moms (who actively parented over the years) are discovered to have quicker response times and better visual memories than their childless peers!

In a nutshell, mom brain actually helps us become more responsive, caring moms to our little ones. So chin up, mama, and embrace this change.

Mom brain is an inevitable reality for those with young ones, so how do you work around it and look after your mental and emotional well-being? Here are a few suggestions.

Things that you need to attend to tend to pile up and seem to grow longer each day. But you need to prioritize! Keep your main to-do list clutter-free by only letting it contain the top five priorities for the day. Keep a detailed calendar for the rest, but try not to overload your brain with all the things you need to do – chances are, many of them can wait at least a couple of days.

Make sure that you have a separate task board or list for your daily top five and only aim to look at this list each morning so you don’t feel anxious and overwhelmed.

It goes without saying that jotting appointments and tasks down in a calendar as soon as you remember will help streamline your schedule. But it will help to share this calendar with your partner so that he can give you some added support.

One of my favorite calendar apps is OneCalendar, which can be synced to multiple Gmail accounts. My husband has access to this calendar, so we can both input and view our individual and shared appointments whenever.

It’s really true that the first thing you do when you wake up sets the tone for the rest of your day. If your minds are cluttered, dysregulated, and anxious in the first few moments of waking, imagine the number the usual household chaos can do on your mental well-being by even the middle of the day.

Make it a point to take a purposeful pause in the morning to “reset” your brain and, ultimately, your mindset. Do whatever works for you, using whatever is available to you.

For me, this looks like taking half an hour to read my devotional, listen to silence (yes, this is a thing!), and do some deep breathing and self-regulation exercises – while soaking up some morning sun, if possible.

You really only get free time in small chunks on a normal day, so make the most out of it! Take these moments to do something for yourself. It doesn’t have to be extraordinary, but focus on meeting your needs first before your wants – for example, hydrating. Dehydration affects our cognitive abilities, so always make sure to bring a water bottle with you.

Quality sleep (albeit elusive for many!) also enhances brain performance. For those who can afford to nap when their baby naps, take the nap! For those who need their evening downtime, try to aim for an early bedtime for the kids – and even better, make it part of your routine, if it works for the family.

It’s not just for the kids – it also takes a village to raise a healthy mama! Arrange playdates for the kids with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, or godparents – and use the time to rest and look after yourself, or date your husband. If you have the means, hire a stay-out nanny to take care of the kids for a few hours while you do something you like, just for you.

I learned this term while going through counseling as a mom. Self-compassion is different from self-care in that it is really an all-encompassing commitment to be kind and gracious to oneself. Healthy self-compassion leads to healthy self-care.

Moms, we can be so hard on ourselves. When we forget or double-book something for the nth time, we can feel like such failures. It’s very easy to judge and shame ourselves for our mental lapses, especially when we’re used to being the ones others rely on to make sure everything’s sorted.

It’s time for a fresh perspective on mom brain. Don’t let it make you feel defeated or less valuable. Mom brain reminds us of what’s truly important: looking after our loved ones and meeting their specific needs in this season, and relying on a support system to help fill our cups so we can keep pouring into our little ones’ lives.

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