When I say no one is fully prepared for parenthood, I mean it. Expectant parents can always prepare their hospital bags, make space in their homes, and fill their pantry with nutritious food, but the mental and emotional load that comes along with parenting isn’t something we can just read about or prepare for.

For example, on the first few days after giving birth, there was this nagging feeling I’m sure I haven’t felt before. I always questioned my littlest decisions, asked myself if I’m doing things right or if I’ve done enough for the day. Later on, I found out what it’s universally called: mom guilt. Why hasn’t anyone warned me about this feeling?

There’s not a day in my life that I don’t feel even the smallest hint of mom guilt. I feel guilty when I work, when I spend a little too much time taking a bath or doing the chores, or when I haven’t foreseen anything related to our baby. Now the question is, are moms the only parents who feel this way? Do dads feel this crippling guilt, too? If yes, how do they overcome it?

We asked five dads, and this is what we found out: Dad guilt is real! Here are their stories.

“As an OFW Dad, I am guilty of not being with Rome during his best moments— his first day in school, his first time to read, his first recognition day, and the list goes on. However, the situation that I feel so guilty about is whenever he gets sick, and I am not around to comfort him and make him feel that he has a father he can lean on. Every time he gets sick, I really couldn’t sleep and eat normally because of this guilt. The only thing that gives me consolation is knowing that my wife is a super hands-on Mom. I don’t know if this is a good way to deal with the dad guilt, but I do nothing to make me feel better. Instead, I embrace this guilt feeling because I thought it is my way of sharing what my wife feels whenever our son is sick.” -Rommel, Daddy of 7-year-old Rome Benjamin

“I have a way of playing with our baby that she really likes and looks for. I carry her around in a “superhero” position and make this accompanying “flying” sound. My wife would always say I do more physical play with our daughter, so I understand why my baby would look for me, especially because I get home from work late in the afternoon, and my evenings are usually spent cooking for the following day and/or attending to my financial advisor duties. I feel guilty when I still have to work at night and our daughter sees me and calls my attention. Though she’s only 6 months old, she can manage to make noise by screaming, or by saying “ta-ta-ta” to get my attention.”

“Because it is my goal to be an active father for her, I stop working for a while and play with her or make time for her. Sometimes, I just finish my work when she’s already asleep. I feel that I need to make time for her or cherish this season of her life. I believe that time will come when she is no longer a baby and doesn’t need me by her side anymore because she’s already independent or she can do things on her own. As the saying goes, “Time is the most precious thing you can give to someone you love.” -Ken, Daddy of 6-month-old Gabriela Maria

“We are on a work-from-home setup but every day I am on-call as a manager. I feel guilty whenever I do not spend enough time with them in a day. So whenever I feel that way, I stop my work for 2-3 minutes to talk and play with them. I do this a few times in a day just to be present with them.

Also, as a father of 2 daughters, I think it is quite difficult for me to be gentle with how I move. Minsan sa normal kong hawak or galaw, nasasaktan sila. I always feel guilty when that happens. So I always say sorry and hug them. I tell them that Daddy is sorry and that I will be more careful.” -Emil, Daddy of 2 year old Euna and 6 month old Aixa

“Seven years ago, when my son was diagnosed with mild autism, I felt so guilty when my wife and I learned from the specialist that exposing kids to gadgets such as tablets at a very young age is not good for their mental development. I thought then that seeing him entertained and focused on watching nursery rhymes on the tablet is just ok. It was a big regret on my part as a dad.

Now that he’s ten years old, I still feel guilty on certain things like not having some activities together when I finish my work because I already feel mentally tired, even though I’m on a work-from-home schedule on some days. Another thing is that I’m not able to teach and guide him much in his academics during school days, because I finish my work late in the evening already.

During the weekdays, we always do evening prayer together before going to bed, and I ensure that I make it up to my son during weekends by doing physical activities such as basketball, light exercises, and running outside the house. I also teach him to accomplish some household chores like preparing the table before meals and cleaning it after. I always pray to God to guide me in raising a good, independent, respectful, and responsible son, and human being.” -Marc Andrew, Daddy of 10-year-old Crixus Andrew

“Dad guilt comes in when I am not able to do my responsibilities both as an expectant dad and a new dad. When my wife got pregnant, my responsibilities definitely changed. I had to be involved in my wife’s journey as she bears our child. Being physically present even for simple check-ups reassures my wife that I am with her all the way. It makes me sad and guilty when I cannot accompany her for check-ups and monthly consultations with her OB due to work.

My responsibilities got bigger when I became a new dad because I have a wife and a child to take care of and a job to do. The demand of my work interferes with my family and personal life which makes me guilty as a new dad. With the responsibilities I have at work, I commit more time to finish reports, managing people, and meeting deadlines and less quality time to attend to my wife and child. I think fatherhood has become more challenging nowadays. Fathers want to be good providers and good parents at the same time.

I think every hands-on dad experiences dad guilt in one way or the other. I deal with dad guilt by recognizing my limitations as a dad and learning that I cannot do everything by myself. I find it gratifying when my wife and I discuss and talk about our difficulties in raising a young family to manage expectations. We always come to an agreement on how responsibilities can be best delivered without doubting our parental skills. I have also learned to manage my time and devote my weekends to my child and wife. By doing this, I spend quality time with my family and enjoy every moment of it. Lastly, I learned to be kind to myself. When I am able to accomplish something big or small for work or for my family, I applaud myself for doing a great job. It feels good to remind myself that my efforts are never wasted. I am happy to know that my efforts in striving to be a good husband and father overpowers dad guilt.” -Jojo, Daddy of 1-year-old Agape Jon