Rekindling physical intimacy postpartum can be a bit of a challenge for new parents. With all the exhaustion childbirth brings, it might take time for both parties to bounce back on lovemaking.
However, couples are husbands and wives first before they are dads and moms, so intimacy in bed is also a healthy reminder of this relationship that is often overlooked with the demands of parenting. Read on for tips and recommendations on how to navigate sex and nurture connection after childbirth:
Getting your groove back in bed after giving birth can take some time. You try, take it slow, set your own timeline, and often end up in disappointment for failing to do what you expect of yourself. How your body has changed and is continuously changing is one of your major concerns, and being “not in the mood” is almost always automatic.
Letting your body heal first before going into sex is important, as great sex starts with a capable body. You can share your load with your spouse or partner but your body’s pain is only yours to own, so you should take as much time as you need. Once you’re ready to navigate bedroom activities again, take it one step at a time on your first try. Following your gut and going easy on yourself is essential!
As a new mom, navigating intimacy can be a chore as you are constantly preoccupied with parental duties night and day. You clean the house, change diapers, do the dishes, pump milk, and parent your baby while keeping your moods at bay and your mother instincts on top. Ideally, you should be savoring this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of taking care of your little one, but you are sore at best and your schedule is of celebrity stature. Atop it all, you don’t feel desirable and feel less like yourself.
To overcome this overwhelming wave of emotional warp, you have to explain your side of the story and ask your partner for assistance if it’s burning you out. Don’t be afraid to be open and vulnerable. Take the emotional intimacy as a road to physical intimacy.
While it is true that pregnancy is no picnic, motherhood and breastfeeding are entirely different stories. Your time is a shared property now, and postpartum blues can be a real struggle – endless bouts of exhaustion, low self-esteem, sleep deprivation, depression, and loneliness. Frequent feeding sessions predominantly consume your personal space as well, demanding you to work round-the-clock.
As a result, you’ll have less time to yourself and little energy for exploring your sex drive. You become drawn to spoiling and pampering yourself more this time and as a mom, you prefer sleep to sexy time and that’s nothing short of normal. It’s okay to prioritize self-care. Your readiness is important!
If your partner is not physically ready to resume intimacy in the bedroom post-birth, it is important that you know the truth behind the “lack of libido.” It’s a biological certainty and a common phenomenon postpartum, and hormonal changes can happen as estrogen levels exhibit a dramatic drop. A decrease in sexual desire is brought about by prolactin, too, which is the protein responsible for milk letdown. Its main role is to promote milk production, and thus suppresses testosterone and estrogen levels. This eventually leads to a tremendous lag on a woman’s libido, making her clock in more time on nurturing the newborn than being active in bed.
If you feel like you are falling behind in terms of we-time, tell your partner what your take is on the issue and listen with intent once she opens up. Communicate as mature couples and get the blame game off the conversation to prevent conflict from ballooning. Respect begets respect after all, so being sensitive to your partner’s needs and preferences deepens your understanding of the situation.
Bear in mind, though, that being a mother and a parent per se is a serious, all-consuming task, causing anxiety and stress even in the simplest ways. If you want to connect through physical touch, come up with something that will satisfy both parties and bring harmony instead of harm.
Indeed, getting intimate with your partner is more than a physical matter. It takes emotional connection, empathy, and a lot of compromise. If you’re looking for ways to reconnect, reconnect without having to be aggressive. Your behavior will matter more than your intention at this point, and your presence will play the most part. If you report to the office on a regular basis, be back to your family as soon as you finish your shift. Try to think of ways to lessen the load of work that your wife has to take on, and make the most out of your stay at home.
Spend quality time together to quell the pressure of parenting, allow a space for alone time, and try to get some good shuteye. Who knows? You might kindle the flame if you are both freshened-up!